A month on…

Well, it’s been a month since dad passed away. What can I say? It’s been one heck of a ride. I can’t necessarily say it’s been bad, because it actually has been pretty good. Now, that’s not to say it’s been easy or painless – quite the opposite, it’s been hard and extremely painful. There have been days where I’m almost lifeless…yet, as I stand on this side of a month past, I can still seem to stand, move on with life and continue to enjoy the life that I’ve been blessed with.

I’ve shared with numerous people already, but I’ll share it again. I am blessed. There are days where I have wondered, “Am I normal? Am I supposed to move on so easily?” My family and I have received a huge amount of support, so to my dear friends, thank you. This past month has only reinforced how blessed I am with the people in my life. I can confidently say, we have not had a need that was not met, almost immediately, almost miraculously, by a great group of people looking out for us.

Yet, as I mentioned before, there have been days where I’m as lifeless as a doll. I’ll sit in front of the computer, floundering between Facebook, Twitter, emails, looking for something to grab my attention… I’ll open up my blog to write and my mind will be completely void of thought… Worse, I’ve got work and study to do, and there have been days where the motivation is simply just not there. It’s annoying, I want to (and need to) get things done… Those sort of days come and go, like the waves of the sea.

I’ve had a lot of things that have reminded me of dad, but nothing material has affected me greatly. What has affected me greatly, are the numerous memories that people who knew my dad share with me. The “good ol’ days” as it were. When it comes to material possessions, it’s no big deal for me, they come and go. However, it’s the person, the character and the man that I remember that will stop me in my tracks. As a dear friend shared with me the other night, my dad was just an honest, down-to-earth, what-you-see-is-what-you-get kinda guy.

I’ve got a long way to go before I’m half the man my dad was. He achieved a lot in this life… more than most people know… which I took for granted. If my dreams before were big, they’ve gotten a whole lot bigger. For me, maybe it’s because I’m asian – I don’t know – but now, I live, not only in memory, but the legacy that was left behind: honesty, dedication and integrity.