This is a past journal entry from September 6th 2004:
Boy, God you’ve been teaching me a lot haven’t you? And it all goes back to my primary school days with the good ol’ school motto: “My utmost for His glory.” Now that I think about it, the ol’ high school motto kind of applies as well, “Honour the work.” Funny that.
First week back at uni and Jake taught me something that would start this chapter in life, “Give glory to God in everything that you do.” A new chapter where I would begin to seek to do my utmost for His glory and that would also honour His work.
About six weeks ago, you started moving in my life, you started to visibly mould me; it wasn’t circumstantial preparation, this was the real deal, the hard-core stuff.
You took me back to the days of my youth, when I committed an act that I thought you could never forgive, now it was my turn to forgive myself. You spoke through Joey and Jeremy that week, opening my eyes to the truth, then you capped it off with a message at a church I visited.
Then, the following week you started teaching me to trust you. Especially, in relation to my heart. I’m still learning to trust you with that, I really would like to know what is going on. Again, in my times with you, you are calling for me to trust you.
Moreover, you’ve been teaching me to be open and honest with people. Along with trusting You and continuing to peel away the lies that have built up over the years. It’ll take time but it’s something that needs to happen.
Finally, you’ve been teaching me to patient. You’ve taught me to be patient with people, now it’s time to learn to be patient with you. Lord, you’ve everything on the line with me, you’ve entrusted me with a kingdom that is far beyond me; and if I fail, Lord, what will You do? You’ve given me dreams and visions that are beyond imagination; I pray that I can live up to Your calling.
Thank you Father, for your grace and salvation.
I still think that the school mottos are really funny and how they apply to my life. The bottom line of my life is about giving my best for the glory to my God, part of doing that is to honour the work that has been entrusted to me. I don’t journal much but when I do, I’m surprised at what I write when I look back.
A lot of the things that are written here still apply to me a great deal. I still struggle with the consequences of my past actions and am still struggling to overcome such ordeals. Yet, for all the excuses I make, my God is faithful to forgive me and wipe my record clean each and every day.
At the moment, really struggling with some life situations and the lesson on trust is an adequate one for this time. Certainly, there is an element where I simply need to put aside my doubts and inadequacies, trust that God will bring me through in one piece.
I think with the particularities of my life struggles, I don’t lie to people, but I’m certainly not up-front and open with them. Most people would see that as a legitimate reason, however, I find there are very few people who I can actually trust and open myself up to. (Sad, I know.)
Patience…well, I would like to think that I’ve learnt that lesson but am often reminded that it’s still yet to be perfected. I think one thing that has changed, I recognise that I can’t fail at the task God has given me. He has given Jesus Christ to bring me to the place I’m at and I have humbly sacrificed all that I have (I say humbly because it’s taken many years of struggle and continue to struggle) for the sake of the kingdom of God. Indeed, my prayer is that I will live up to the purpose and calling that God has given to me.
Again and forevermore, thank you God my Father, for the grace and salvation that you have given not only to me but all people.